When You Grow Up

You can be anything you want to be when you grow up.

This is a statement many of us heard as children and yet oftentimes it is full of contradiction and hypocrisy.  That’s not the intent, of course.  Most grown-ups who pass along this sage advice do it as an act of encouragement, and even an act of love; to guide a child in the direction of their innate talent and to prepare them for a productive life.  In some cases, a child may even need a push into an area in which they excel if they struggle to find direction on their own.

But what if one exhibits an interest, perhaps even a passion, for something in which they do not perform particularly well?  Should they be discouraged to pursue this interest?

Until recently I would have said, “Yes”.  While we are capable of learning new things, I believed our capabilities have their limits.  We all only have so such talent and so much smarts, and can only go so far.  This philosophy is not only flawed, it is damning and damaging for both our children and ourselves.  It holds us all back.  Now that I know this, I’m appalled that I ever subscribed to such a philosophy.

My realization came after reading a couple of books that discuss research¹ conducted by Carol Dweck, a Stanford psychologist.  The research indicates that people have one of two thoughts about ability – it is either fixed (innate) or malleable (growth).  Through this study it was found that ability is indeed malleable – it can change.  Now this does not mean that making changes, learning new things and acquiring skills comes easy.  It takes effort and oftentimes considerable, extraordinary determination.  As Heidi Grant Halvorson advises in her book 9 Things Successful People Do Differently², it takes grit.  But if one has a passion or desire to learn something, she can acquire an ability and improve her performance.

The book, Switch³, by Chip and Dan Heath provides an example of Dweck’s theory in motion with a group of 7^th grade students in “a low socioeconomic environment and at risk of academic failure.”  Two groups of students were taught two different methods of study skills – one basic traditional skills, the other a growth mindset paradigm.  To cut to the climax, one of the more difficult students who put forth very little effort before being a part of the growth mindset class came to a realization.  As quoted from the book “he looked up with tears in his eyes and said, ‘You mean I don’t have to be dumb?’”  Changing his mindset changed his world.  That is powerful stuff!

You may have heard it before, perhaps even as it relates to Alzheimer’s disease, but the brain is a muscle and it needs to be exercised.  When you couple this idea with the fact that if we invest our time and efforts in those things that interest us and intrigue us, it becomes possible to realize a better, bigger life waiting for any of us who have a desire to aspire.

So get out there, learn something you thought was impossible -- dance, sing, paint, play the piano or study physics.  I dare you!

References:

¹ Carol S. Dweck (2006), Mindset:  The New Psychology of Success, New York: Random House

² Heidi Grant Halvorson (2012), 9 things successful people do differently, Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business Review Press

³ Chip Heath & Dan Heath (2010), Switch:  How to Change Things When Change is Hard, New York: Broadway Books

When was the last time you got lost?

I am not much on New Year’s resolutions, but I really want to be a writer.  So, the last couple of years I have set a writing goal.  Something that I hoped would ignite the writer in me.  Last year, the goal was to attend a writer’s conference and I did.  While I accomplished the goal, it was not motivational.  In fact, it was a bit discouraging.  Regardless, I began looking for my next challenge.

While on vacation with my mom in Virginia, we stopped at a Barnes and Noble.  As we walked through the store, I saw on one of the tables a workbook entitled 300 Writing Prompts.  I didn’t pick it up to look through it because this trip was all about Mom, but I made a very strong mental note.  When I returned home, I checked out the book online and ultimately decided this would be my 2016 goal.

Habits, good and bad, can be developed because we do something over and over and become comfortable doing it.  I desperately needed to develop a daily writing habit.  A book of 300 writing prompts seemed more promising than attending another conference, seminar, or online class; hearing about how others approach the craft of writing.  I needed to find my own way.  To-date I have completed 25 of the 300 prompts simply by committing to complete a prompt before eating lunch.  Surprisingly, it only takes a few minutes and it is working rather well.  It also has helped me dig deep into some emotions and excuses that derail my writing efforts.

One of the writing prompts was this question: “When was the last time you got lost?”  This question could be interpreted as looking for a location and not being able to find it – someone’s house, a restaurant, a new hair salon; but I decided to interpret it as lost in thought or lost in an experience in which time slips by unnoticed.  Otherwise known as a Zen moment.

Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I did something, becoming so engrossed that the hours passed without realizing it.  I do know the feeling, though, and it is a glorious feeling – there can be a sense of elation from the accomplishment or the enjoyment of a task well experienced.  I rarely have the opportunity to get lost in my thoughts or in the moment because I am either at work or at home and rarely ever alone.

At work the focus is on the job and working in a cubicle does not allow for much getting lost, with my being all too aware of the people around me and conscious of my own noise.  At home, I’m with my loving husband, Rick, and with him being at home all day alone I hate to sequester myself in the spare room to be with just my thoughts.  But I do long for it.  While sitting next to one another on the couch wasting our evening together watching television, I often feel the urge to say, “Honey, I’m going back to my room to write for a while.”  He would say, “Okay, babe.”  He would even be cheerful about it and probably excited and relieved that I was finally spending my time writing, but I would still feel guilty for not spending the time with him – he’s my buddy and given a choice I would rather be with him anytime, any day.

The guilt, though, may also be an excuse to avoid another obstacle to writing.  If I am able to write and at some point I finish something, let’s say my first novel, then the next step is publishing; well, that just terrifies me.  My most-intelligent-husband-in-the-world has pulled a fast one on me, however.  With his help and encouragement, I recently self-published my novella, Love Notes.  It has gotten some good reviews and ratings.  It’s nothing that sets the world on fire, but it was enough to show me that there is more than one way to live the dream – so the obstacle of publishing has been removed.  A door that was shut tight and locked for me has now just been unlocked and cracked open enough for me to see the light.  It is a heavy door and will still require a bit of work to open all the way, if only I push a little harder.

The road blocks are one-by-one being taken away and if I want to be a writer, I feel as if it is mine for the taking.  I am so certain of this that at the moment the world seems surreal.  I feel the tilt of it, the unevenness and the imbalance.  The only way to set things upright is to get lost . . . in my dreams, in my aspirations, in my hopes, in my longings, in my fears, and in my uncertainties.  It’s the only way I can push open the door and come out on the other side to be the writer and the woman I know that I am.

When is the last time you got lost?

Thank you and ratings

For those who have downloaded a copy of Love Notes, thank you.  It has been exciting to see so many readers interested in my first published work.  If you enjoyed my story, I hope you will give it a five star rating on both Amazon and Goodreads.  Again, thank you for your interest and for reading Love Notes.

My first published novella on Kindle: Love Notes ... not a romance

With my husband's encouragement (and just plain nagging me), I have published one of the first stories I ever wrote.  While the Holy Grail for any author is to have work accepted by a publishing house, it is also a very difficult route to travel (with some never being recognized for the work they do).  To quote Julia Cameron, we all have a right to write and I would further state: a right to be published.  Let the public decide for themselves what they enjoy reading.  With that I embark on a new journey!  I hope you will enjoy Love Notes . . . not a romance.  Thank you for taking the time to read my work.

Go to Amazon webpage for Love Notes